noura.

i don’t know why but i just couldn’t is it just me or whenever i feel like i wanted to write, i SHOULD NOT think beforehand, i should just write you know. to me, writing feels like you need to pour and throw out everything immediately, like a junk of words you need to dispose of, even it is like a line of thoughts, just press the gas, don’t think. then only the river of ideas and ocean of thoughts…. maybe it is like that in my point of view, that’s why i never think first before saying anything (which is very un-smart move) because the sparks will no longer be there, like don’t feel the exact excitement, the exact amount of pain, the exact feeling of love, and the exact intensity felt in the beginning.

i write when my brain could not find a fullstop of running at a 143km/hr and yea, so it stays up. AND also, for therapy.  i know i break myself first before anyone could ever break me. if anything, there’s nothing i could do if there are wrongs in the way i love you and how i carry myself. i’ve gone thru so much heartbreaks and sleepless nights, and unstoppable thoughts, trying to fix everything AND NOT letting myself take a step further. my heart was also shaky and  i wasn’t able express the things in my heart. don’t love me half- heartedly, love me in my coldest stares, and love my language of love. if you heal only in a few days, i won’t let you make me spend another 6 months trying to make my heart sound again.